It's now 12:53 in the AM after Thanksgiving 2023. I've so much for which I am deeply thankful, among the most notable being the fine woman asleep down the hall. Sure my wife would be pissed to know that, but...just joking. I meant my wife. Love her to death. Kids found a pic of us from another lifetime and texted it to me. Good gosh, what a hot babe my wife was back then. No wonder I was so smitten. Still am, cuz she still is! But a good wife to boot. There's also the kids who sent the pic (which I already have, actually, in my office). They're great young women, of whom I could not be more proud. Now all married and to non-objectionable dudes who seem genuinely devoted to my girls. Definitely grateful for that.
The wife and I are still alone together in a foreign land...South Carolina...and loving it. This is one of the days that, for me, family gatherings are most important, Christmas being the other. Last year, we spent Thanksgiving apart from the rest, and I spent Christmas with the cat while my love was back home. This year we'll be driving up for Christmas and for that I'm grateful. After Jan 1, I'll reassess this retirement thing and determine my direction. Without my wages our savings is still growing after certain cutbacks in non-esssentials. More gratitude, but a bit more while I'm physically able to acquire it would be helpful. After all, she's still working for another, maybe, two years. We'll see.
I've lost someone recently. My younger sister passed away almost three weeks ago now, after dealing with cancer for the last forty years. I'm still coming to terms with it. She's lived near Los Angeles for around 25 of those years, and I've only had one opportunity to go out to see her world. Though it isn't like we didn't see each other at least once a year or so...maybe a bit less...I have to admit there has been a bit of a "losing touch" aspect which might have lessened my grief...as if a peripheral friend passed. Saddens one deeply but not as deeply as if it was the best friend one sees all the time. I don't know. That's just kinda how I'd describe it. But then I look at her pictures I've put up in my office and it'll hit me again. More than with most other people I know we knew this was coming for most of that forty years. Now it's come. Here's where I'm grateful. Her trials with this fucking disease has come to an end. She either had or had built up a tolerance for all the pain and discomforts and inconveniences associated with her illness. When it was determined nothing more could be done for her, the end was like bankruptcy...a little at a time then all at once. I'm grateful for that.
Her last few weeks were, by her husband's description, a series of days with noticeable degradation. Each day she was visibly weaker. I did have an opportunity to talk with her over the phone about a week after she entered the hospice protocols. She was resigned. There was a point where she responded to something I said in a matter of fact way, "I'm dying", as one might say, "I'm older". I chuckled because it reminded me of Dick York. Some many know of a radio guy named Jonathan Brandmeier, who was out of Chicago for quite a while and he somehow became acquainted with York and would call him now and then. York was in bad shape, living mostly in bed, but started a charity provided sleeping bags for the homeless. Anyway, Johnny B (as he was often called) would ring him up and when York answered, Johnny would naturally ask him how he's doing. York would always respond, "Well, I'm dying, Johnny." She laughed, getting it. We had a nice conversation, and that's the last one I had with her. I'm grateful I had the opportunity.
My other sister, with her daughter, flew out to see her and got to spend time with her. My older brother, with his son, was able to fly out for the funeral. I'm grateful for that, but sad I could do neither. My brother-in-law called me Wednesday and we talked for a good hour about how everyone was doing because he was concerned about how I was doing. It was a good talk and I'm grateful for him being my sister's husband. Both my sisters are goofy is similar ways, and this one can be completely off the wall. I'd often lean over and say to him, "you poor bastard" and he'd laugh, because Sis is such a goof.
Anyway, her time came and she slipped away without any great pain, without any coma or that kinda shit. Just peacefully with her family by her side. I'm most grateful for that. I'm incredibly grateful to know she looked forward to God's welcome and I trust He provided, and of course I'm grateful for that.
It ain't over. While all this has been happening, my mother-in-law has been losing her shit. About the time my sister was diagnosed as beyond hope, Mom was showing significant signs of mental decline. She's been getting worse almost daily, such that she is now in a facility to determine what medications she should be on to keep her from having maniacal episodes and what her dosage should be. Only her son, who has power of attorney, is allowed to see her for no more than two hours on two specific days. While this process goes on, they prefer no outside visitors at all in order to get her to a somewhat normal keel. This after a couple months of making living arrangements which had to be put on hold or halted because the place couldn't handle her. Did she need assisted living? No, She's worse than that. How about memory care? They said they can handle the episodes as described. No, Wait. They really can't handle her. Now what? Oh! She fell again and they sent her to the hospital again! Now it's back to rehab. She's out in the hall screaming! Now she thinks someone's trying to kill her!
It's thought she had a min-stroke, after which or before which she fell and smacked her head on the pavement outside her doctor's office, and because that's not enough, she also had a uterine tract infection which, in old women, can cause dementia. Well, at this point it's pretty clear that some feature specializing in dementia is where she needs to be. She seems to be deteriorating rapidly and her son and daughter with her. My wife has flown back home three or four times now. Needless to say our flyer miles are depleted. So this current situation, the facility Mom is in. is providing a bit of a respite for both the wife and her brother. I can't help be grateful for that.
We really don't think she'll be around much longer regardless of where she ends up. We feel guilty about being grateful for that if it come to it, but it seems indeed to be the best outcome at this point. She's confused about everything, and we're wondering how much longer before she no longer recognizes her own two kids. She's already confusing their names, more than mothers do when their kids are acting like little assholes. Indeed, she sometimes thinks her son is her husband who's been dead for twenty-five years. She was wondering why no one told her. It's incredibly sad
So. I listed a few nice things about which I'm grateful. Then I presented two sad things which in their own way provides reasons for giving thanks. And I must give thanks for God allows us our troubles so as to provide opportunities to be a reflection of Him...to accept our struggles with grace and patience and the knowledge He has our backs, as it were. My wife and I talk about this and aren't keen to endure it, but have every intention of pleasing Him in how we address it all. I'm grateful for the opportunity. I'm grateful for God. He'll get us through it and then on through the next trial, too.
NOTE TO VISITORS:
After further reflection, I want to say that I didn't write this post to draw sympathies, but as a cathartic exercise. It's not even a complete list of the crap we've endured in the last few months...just the worst of it. I'm considering deleting it altogether. The main point is that I remain grateful and have so much about which I'm thankful to He Who has provided and sustains.
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